hi there. Ü

welp, this is my new xanga. and i want to devote this first entry to Hauce..i just want to talk about her and let everyone know how lovely of a girl she was.

so for those of you who don't know..one of my good friends..Holly Mae Laster died in a car accident satruday, october, 23 at 9:15 pm. i got a call from brittney around 12:30am, and what she told me..well, i just didn't believe it. i just couldn't. she was driving down some road..i can't recall the name..and a cop was coming behind her w/ his lights on..Holly thought she was getting pulled over so she put on her blinker to turn down a dirt road. and the cop came around and rammed right into her..taking her life. she was 17 years old and a senior at rogers high school along w/ me..we were suppost to graduate together on may 25, 2005 and live out our big dreams in along w/ some of my other close friends.

Holly, Brittney, me, and some more people were all going to the haunted corn maze that saturday. but i decided that i didn't want to go, and i never called her. [for those of you who know me..you know that i don't call people. the way i see it is if they wanna talk to me..they can call me.] how much more selfish can i get. it wouldn't have taken much of nothing to pick up the phone and call her. wish i would have now.

Holly was a wonderful person. she honestly was the sweetest/nicest person i have ever met in my life. she was beautiful. you know how when there is a tragedy people always say "remember the good times..not the bad" well, w/ Holly..i have no bad memories. even when i think back..i think of none. Holly was the kind of person that we all need in our lives. we had been friends since kindergarden where we were in the same class..me, her, and brittney hill easily bonded..along w/ jennifer lee who moved later that year. Holly always had a smile on her face no matter what. just like i was telling my friends..when i'm having a bad day..i got to school or wherever w/ my hair pulled back and some comfy clothes on..but not Hauce..she was always fixed up. and that hair..had to be perfect..and that make-up. she could never be mean to anyone. when she would try she would just laugh..she just couldn't do it. she was never in a bad mood. Lord knows when i'm in a bad mood..which happens quite often..the whole world is gonna know it..'cause i take it out on everyone. [not one of my good qualities] and when i'm pms'n you better whatch out. but Hauce..you could never tell when she was..'cause she was always in a good mood. Holly had no enemies..she was friends w/ everyone. you couldn't help but love the girl. that's how awesome she was. everyone that met her just had to luh her.

whenever i had a problem she would listen. w/ some of my other friends..they usually interrupt me or don't let me finish. but not Hauce. she would listen no matter what. no matter how stupid whatever i was talking about was. she might not have suggested to many solutions..but that's okay..'cause i need to figure stuff out on my own. sometimes..all you need is someone to listen. getting stuff out always makes me feel better.

i remember when we were at the fair this year and her, britt, and me rode the polar. she laughed the entire time. i was so afraid she was going to throw up on me 'cause last year she threw up on that ride..from laughing..lol. she had a marvelous sense of humor. and when me and bhill rode the orbitor we kept yelling out..WE LOVE YOU HAUCE!! and when we were on our cosmetology field trip and we were at the mall and all rode those lil kid ride thangs that take quarters. that was fun stuff. the preacher talked about that at the funeral.

i have so many memories of Holly. after all..i did know her for practically 13 years. her and her sister, Hope, were very close. Hope is a sophomore at rogers. and not only was she Holly's sister..she was also her best friend. i remember in like 3rd grade when Hauce use to come over all the time and Hope would always be w/ her. they just wouldn't go anywhere w/out each other, and i think it's always been that way. Hope and Brittney were the worst ones. i didn't see brittney not crying for 2 straight days. she was terrible.

the thing is..none of us understand. Holly was a sweet girl. i know this one fella that has totalled 10 cars, and everytime he has been drunk or on drugs..and he has walked away fine..w/ not even a scratch. and then Holly..gone after onetime..and her senses weren't even impaired. i just don't understand. we need people like Holly in our lives. she was a positive influence. she was never mad/sad. i have never saw her either of the two..isn't that just amazing? she strived to get the most out of life..and if you were having a bad day or complaining about something..she would just tell you to get over it. she saw no reason to be down..she wanted to enjoy life to the fullest. and one thing that i really want to stress is how she always had a smile on her face and was always smiling. i don't even have to lie. she was just an amazing person, and i will miss her dearly.

her visitation was at elkins funeral home. her mom let some of us come during the family time. it was awful. i wasn't doing to bad until i got up to her casket and just saw her laying there..and kristi had put a picture in there w/her..it was of..Holly, Kristi, Kayla F, and me. and i just started bawling. it was that moment i realized that i wasn't going to get to talk to her again..no more fun times w/ my sexy girl Hauce. our whole senior class showed up..not one person didn't come. i was very pleased about that, and i know Holly was. the funeral was even worse. i didn't go to school at all yesterday..i slept 'til 9 then i got up and got ready..to go to logan's where a majority of the senior class was going to eat at. it was a good time. after we left you couldn't see the floor because of all of the peanuts that had been thrown/dumped at/on people. after that we went to the mall, and later ventured off to Holly's funeral. i must say that i was touched at the funeral. i didn't cry..i actually felt calmness come over me. it was an inspiration. it made me realize so many things. after Holly's death i also did a lot of thinking..the reason why i spoke out to someone about some stuff. [it's okay..i understand. but at least i have comfort in you knowing how i feel. just incase anything ever happens] for all of you that i asked where he was..you know who i'm talking about..he was the only person i wanted to talk to at that time. and now i realize that she really is in a better place, and i'm happy for her. i wish that she could have stayed because i will miss her terribly. but her preacher told me that God doesn't take you until you are ready..so that means she was ready. Holly really had her life together, and was living it right. she knew exactly what she wanted out of life and was determined to get it.

always tell your loved ones how much you love them. you never know when they will leave you forever.

today was the senior pep really. also pep rally of the week. and it was dedicated to Holly. today i was thinking about who i wanted to be standing beside, and i was thinking about how Hauce could stand beside krisit. then i was saddened when i remembered that..she couldn't. but we were all strong, and her family got in the middle of the gym floor w/ us in memory of her after we did our senior huddle. they played that sarah m. song "i will remember you"..i think that's what it's called. but anyways..you should know what song i'm talking about. it was really sad. whnt wanted to interview some of us, but i just couldn't do it..i'm sorry Holly. i'm sure you understand. oh yeah and after the pep rally her mom told me that she found a small piece of paper that had my name on it that was a few years old. and Hauce had saved it. i wrote on it..you better save this 'cause i'm gonna be famous one day. she had faith in me =) her mother also found some of the notes we use to write each other in algII..they are some X-rated ones too. i was embarrassed. lol..but she was laughing so i guess it's all good. she told me i could have them if i wanted. so i will oblige, and i might scan one of our cahtoons and post it later. hahaha.

there are so many more things i could say, and i left so much out. i would love to just keep on putting stuff. it's hard to sum up 13 years. and i know no matter how much i said..it wouldn't feel like it was enough. i just ask that everyone please keep Holly's family in your prayers. it will be greatly appreciated. also keep her boyfriend, Randall in your prayers..he's lost w/out her. and her ex-b/f Justin who overdosed after he found out about Holly's death. he's okay now. but we still should be reminded of him..he really cared about her as well.

In Loving Memory Of Holly Mae Laster
(May 30, 1987-October 23, 2004)

Forever in my heart. You will be greatly missed. I love u!!!!

now time for the lyrics..you know how i do..i'm not sure if these are absolutly correct..i pulled them from memory..and you know how that goes. but anywho..

but it's too fragile to hold
and it shatters in our hands
in time the seasons will seal these shards
into the slits that denote your wrists
death is the answer
to calculations composed of motions that are the same
and secret and different secretly the same
a missing alphabet with a message for us
when people die
they take a piece of us with them
and holes in clouds are minutes passing
rescind this line and several ties
the skyline unfolds into explanation
that sometimes words give up
and silently walk off the edge the edge of the page
and here the cry opens up and reveals the word inside
the crack in the porcelain
the silent line of sky-lit eyes show
death up there shine more brightly than lives down here
try and live

-thrusday

</3

.:*kayla d.